Three Affirmations for Self-Criticism and How to Use Them

Do you find that it is incredibly hard for you to show yourself kindness, even on a “good” day? When you fall short on an assignment or in your parenting, do you find yourself critiquing every little thing you did or did not do? Do you find that you can give others love and care when they are struggling, but feel you are not deserving of that same kind of compassion?

If you resonate with these questions, you may be struggling with perfectionism. Having high, often unrealistic, expectations of yourself can lead to heightened self-criticism and negative beliefs about yourself.

I have found through my work that people who struggle with this issue often find it difficult and icky to talk positively to themselves. So, asking someone with perfectionism to begin speaking to themselves with positive affirmations can often be met with a grimace. Or, even worse, the person may agree (as to not fail the therapy session) and then 1) not engage in the affirmation task, 2) begin avoiding sessions, and/or 3) pretend they are doing the task and show up inauthentically to sessions.

You may be asking, “Well, shouldn’t the goal be for me to work on feeling more positively about myself through a task like this?” Yes, absolutely! The goal would be for you to feel positively about yourself and, as a result, be able to say to yourself wholeheartedly, “I am good enough!”

But I have found that finding a belief that feels more in the realm of believable and true can have a far greater impact on challenging the negative belief than starting with a polarized belief that feels totally phony or false.

Let’s get into some of the affirmations that you can use while on your way to believing, ultimately, that it is okay to play and that you deserve love and compassion.

I am recognizing that I can extend the same kindness I give to others, to myself.

For this affirmation, you are beginning to train your brain to start looking at ways you also deserve compassion. By highlighting your positive quality of being able to show compassion to others, you can begin to recognize your own goodness. This affirmation may be used when you notice your inner dialogue being heavily critical or you are berating yourself about something. You can ask yourself how you would comfort or treat someone else that was going through the same thing.

I, like others, am allowed to make mistakes.

This one may be a toughie for some. I like this one because it puts you on the same playing field as everyone else. Perfectionism often deceives us into thinking we are the exception to the rule. You, like everyone else, will continue to make mistakes in life. It’s just part of it. Reminding yourself that you are not the exception to the rule can take some of the weight off. This affirmation may be useful when, for instance, you flubbed up and spoke out of anger to your partner. Downing yourself more about it will not help the situation. If you recognize your humanness and give yourself some grace for that, you can move on from it and heal the relationship in a more effective way.

I am learning to allow space for my inner child

This one is a biggie. I have found that people with perfectionism often feel ‘play’ is off limits or uncomfortable. We all have a more playful, childlike part to ourselves, but you may feel totally disconnected from this part. To use this affirmation, I’d invite you to visualize a young child you know personally in your life. If no one comes to mind, maybe even visualize yourself as a young child. Remember a time when this child was playing. Full on running across a playground. Giggling while being tickled. Singing silly songs in the car. Playing tag with friends.

What emotions do you start to feel as you bring that up? Can you extend compassion to that child for their playfulness?

That ability to play is still inside of you. A big part of play is getting messy and being spontaneous.

And yes, sometimes making mistakes.

This part deserves attention just like our organized and rational selves, and this affirmation begins to get at the heart of that.

I hope you can take something away from this post that will help alleviate some of that overbearing self-criticism. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me!